Talking to strangers and my regrets

Category: Self-Improvement

Published: 04/06/2009 01:38 p.m.

As much as I'd like to think that I don't have any regrets, I do indeed. Some of these come from things I have done, some from things I have drank, but most are times when I didn't take a chance on something trivial. Here are just two examples of times when I probably should have talked to strangers and some reasons why I didn't.

The iphone girl on the subway

One of the coolest things about the iphone is the controls that are built into the standard headphones. Part of the problem, though, is that they are not obvious. What many people do not know is that you can double-click the button on the iphone headphones and skip to the next track (triple-click goes back a track). This is a supreme feature for me because if I am listening to all my music on shuffle and some random track comes up, I can click-click and skip it. I do not have to take my phone out of my pocket, turn on the screen, unlock it, navigate to music, and hit skip. So so so much easier. That is the background to this story, and really that is what I wanted to tell the girl.

She was in her 20's, much more attractive than me, and dressed like she worked in a gallery in SoHo. And as I stood squished on the 5 train next to her, I noticed her iphone headphones with the magic button/mic. I also noticed her pulling out her phone multiple times to simply skip a track. Not to select a new one or to do something else on the phone. Just to hit skip. So, I felt an urge to tap her on the shoulder and introduce her to a wonderful time- and effort-saver. But I didn't.

Here are some of the reasons that I can recount for why I said nothing:

• On the train home after a long day of work, no one wants to be bothered
• People in NYC in general are much less approachable
• She, again, was much more attractive, and I didn't want to be perceived as hitting on her
• I didn't want to scare her like I was going to steal her phone
• I was unsure how to best word my nerd tip in a way that would grab her attention and actually get her to stop doing it the long way

All of that was enough motivation to not say a word. But now, I look back on it and feel like I missed a chance to help someone, to improve their life in a small way. When thinking about it in terms of worst-case scenario, about the worst I can think of is if she completely ignored me, or said something rude to me for trying to talk to her. Best case is she learns a new trick and thanks me with a smile.

The two "web-developers" at Lombardi's

This was actually on my full last day in NYC. I went to Lombardi's and finished my own pie (surprisingly). While I was there I couldn't help but overhear the two people next to me. The man was trying to teach the woman a bit about programming HTML and CSS. She had her macbook pro open and they were looking at her site she had made. She was asking specific questions about how to do things in CSS for which the man didn't always have an answer for (I really hope she wasn't paying him). But, what I noticed most was him instructing her to right-click to view the page source. I happened to glance and see they were using firefox to do this.

If you are not a programmer, then it is likely you don't know about a wonderful thing called Firebug. It is a fantastic plugin for firefox that helps to inspect and even edit HTML and CSS on the fly on a web page. In my mind, these people needed to be using it. It would have made a positive difference in both of their lives. But again, I said nothing.

Here are the reasons why:

• It is a bit rude to eavesdrop, and I would be admitting to that by offering advice on a plugin
• There is a chance that the guy already knew about Firebug, so then I have nothing to offer
• I could have embarrassed the guy if he was being paid for web consulting and didn't know this basic tool
• I wasn't sure how to word my advice without soundinglike a web-snob
• People in NYC are not always approachable

I thought about saying something just as I left incase I didn't get the response I wanted, but they left before me. The worst possible thing that could have happened from this would have just been me being embarrassed and possibly a rude comment from the guy or girl. The best case would be I would have taught something useful to someone who needed it.

So, it seems more obvious now that my objections aren't very strong and the worst cases weren't so bad, but in the moment it didn't seem worth the risk or effort. Now, though, as these memories still linger as regrets in my head, I am thinking that I should have said something and am silly for not saying anything. Most of my friends know that I will offer advice to them whether they ask for it or not. And often this is because I assume they don't know what to ask for. But when it comes to strangers and little trivial tips, I am not sure I have the courage to say anything.

I probably just need to not overestimate the consequences and the chance of things going very wrong. Then I won't think twice about talking to strangers.

Anyone have advice? I am asking so you won't feel uncomfortable offering it...